A Simple Way

I think we can all agree that so far 2020 has proven to be one of the most unexpected, uncomfortable, frustrating, and hellish years of our lives. I have been pondering if, in my nineteen years of life, this is just a really bad year or if this is actual adulthood, and I don’t think I’m ready for that answer….

Even at first glance, I could describe the events — globally, nationally, and personally — with one word. Shitty. We have all had a lot of crap served to us this year — some I share with you, but some that was served to me on a silver platter with my name on it. I experienced an injury that prematurely ended my indoor track season, the cancellation of my outdoor track season and last half of freshman spring semester, a challenging remote learning experience as a nursing major, and the loss of very valuable relationships with people who had been my sole confidants for so long. 

Now, of course, the whole global pandemic and quarantine thing I couldn’t really control, so the change was easier to swallow because I knew everyone else was experiencing the same things that I was. I found peace in knowing that eventually, EVENTUALLY, the waves and dips in craziness would level out and we, as a world, could scrounge up some fragments of our old routine and piece together a new sense of “normal.”

However, the shift that challenged me emotionally, more than ever before, was the loss of those irreplaceable relationships. I say irreplaceable, because they are. Even after I eventually move on, there are no other human beings in the entire world that can entirely duplicate the memories, special moments, and level of understanding that I had with those people. And that’s okay! It took me a while to realize, and I still entirely don’t, that the people put in your life shape you in SO many ways and contribute so much to your life, no matter how long they play a role in it. I can name hundreds of new passions, inherited quirks, priceless experiences, and shaping of my character that I can owe to those people who are so full of life. I have found that every person adds some sort of value to your life, regardless if its short-lived, long-term, unhealthy, full of happiness, or just not meant to be. It’s essential to remember this fact to find peace in every relationship that you encounter in your lifetime.

These past few months have also forced me to start slowly chipping away a future I had envisioned for myself for so long. You don’t realize how hard it is to actually do that until you are forced into it by your own circumstance and self-respect. Lately, however, I have been able to witness new opportunities for myself and am gradually starting to piece together an image of a life that I never could have imagined — had it not been for that massive shift in ‘the comfortable.’ I wouldn’t call myself a particularly religious person, but I think I am finally seeing the bigger plan that the universe has for me — at least for the time being. I know she’ll put me through the wringer again and again, but this time I can find more comfort in knowing that there will be a moment after every struggle that I will realize: everything happens for a reason.

Okay, so yes, this year has been our own series of unfortunate events. I think we can collectively agree that the next event (we know it’s coming, whether it’s aliens or some murder-butterfly) will be welcomed with pained laughter because we’ve become numb to the shock of the unbelievable. However, I think it will spare our mental health and quality of life if we remember that in some screwed up, crazy way, everything really does happen for a reason. Say that again.

This was kind of a brain dump for everything I’ve been thinking about and manifesting over all summer, so it may mean more to me than it does to you. However, I think anyone could resonate with my emotional journey in some way. 

I’ll leave you with the wise words of Semisonic’s “Closing Time:”

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”